A collection of light bulb changing jokes.
WARNING! This page contains material of a satirical nature and may be
offensive to members of the following groups:
Data base people
A: Six. One to change the bulb, one for support and four to relate to the experience.
A: Five. One to change the bulb and four more to chase off the Californians who have come to relate to the experience.
A: Californians don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.
A: Fifty. Fifty? Yeah, it's in the contract.
A: Three. One to change the bulb, one to be a witness, and a third to shoot the witness.
A: Both of them. [Bet you didn't see that one coming.]
A: One. But it has to really want to change.
A: None. The bulb will change itself when it's ready.
A: None. That's a hardware problem.
A: One. But it may take upwards of nine years to get it done.
A: None. Real men aren't afraid of the dark.
A: A 'real' woman would have plenty of men around to do it.
A: None. That's all right I'll just sit here in the dark.
A: None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
A: 1,000,001. One to change the bulb and 1 million to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
A: Five. One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him.
A: That's not funny.
A1: None. The darkness would cause the bulb to change by itself.
A2: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would change itself.
A: Oooh, like, manual labor? Gag me with a spoon! Fer sure.
A: Three. One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the bulb at the same time.
A: Two. One to change the bulb and one to write a song about how good the old one was.
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
A: One. But it takes lots and lots of bulbs.
A: Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist and one to bill it to Medicare.
A: Two. One to change it and the other to say "FABULOUS!".
A: One. But he gets three tech reports out of it.
A: Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder
A: 115. One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
A: None. It turned itself in.
A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
A: How many can you afford?
A: One. But he gets two credits for it.
A: Three. One to screw it in and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
A: Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget.
A: One third less than your regular bulb.
A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?
A: 45. One to change the bulb and 44 to do the paperwork.
A: Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and one to give it a surprising twist at the end.
A: Two. One to change it and one to observe how the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
A: Five. While Cinnamon creates a diversion by wearing a skimpy dress, I use a tiny narcotic dart to knock out the fascist dictator and remove his body. Rollin, wearing a plastic mask, masquerades as the dictator long enough for Barney to sneak up to the next floor, drill a hole down into the light fixture, remove the burned-out bulb, and replace it with a new super-high wattage model of his own design. Meanwhile, Willie has driven up to the front door in a laundry truck. Just before Rollin's real identity is revealed, we escape to the laundry truck, drive to the airfield and return to the United States.
A: 151. One to change the light bulb and 150 to self-destruct the ship out of disgrace.
A: Approximately 1.000000000000000000000000...
A: One. He holds the light bulb and the universe revolves around him.
A: 51. One to change the bulb and fifty to sing about the bulb being changed.
A: Two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done while the other screws it into the water faucet.
A: Sorry, that's not my bulb.
A: Three. One to change it and two to complain that it runs on electricity.
A: 94. (as follows)
2 - Preliminary discussion on concept of change.
1 - Devise and write formal bulb archictecture.
2 - Feasability study and timetable of events.
2 - Produce four utilities to reduce screw-in time.
1 - Maintain ISO and IBM standards (e.g. sockets, voltage, AC/DC).
4 - Commonality task force on bulb change.
15 - Change bulb.
5 - Perform bulb functionality test.
2 - Perform bulb load test.
3 - Perform bulb regression test.
1 - Perform bulb performance analysis.
1 - Perform bulb bottleneck analysis.
1 - Follow-up study, a.k.a. bulb merge feasibility.
1 - Interface with utilities commission.
1 - Interface with users (Did they want incandescent when we only supply non-tunable flourescent point product?).
5 - Perform Build Other Sockets Enhancements (BOSE).
3 - Perform Voltage Increases Amps (VIA) part 2.
2 - Ensure form (round, square, clear/frosted) follows function (wattage, 120/240 volts, visible/ultra-violet, flashing, flood/spot).
3 - Implement temporary alternative bulb socket for already existing, successful and profitable socket.
5 - Determine how to market/package/distribute temporary alternative bulb socket.
10 - Determine how to perform bulb change product split (control: switches, dimmers; versus implementation: screw-in torque, recovery strategies).
1 - Interface with utilities commission Quality Assurance group.
1 - Submit to Bulb Distribution Center (BDC).
1 - Set up Bulb Products Report (BPR) system.
10 - Answer customer BPRs.
11 - Football team to challenge Bulb Changers.